10 Ways to Deal with Divorce When You Don’t Want It


“I just found out that my husband hired a divorce lawyer in Minnesota I don’t understand anything; we’ve been so happy together! Is there anything I can do that stops divorce?” this question we’ve received from our reader Kathy this morning.

An unwanted divorce hurts a million times more. It breaks your heart, destroys your self-esteem, and knocks the bottom out of you. But, Kathy, stopping it might not be the best option. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t want you anymore? You may try different sneaky tactics to force your spouse to stay with you. But it’s likely to leave you high and dry.

Instead, learn how to cope with a divorce you don’t want. And let the faith decide.

Avoid Rash Decisions

When your heart has been ripped out, taking revenge on the offender is so tempting. Unfortunately, rash actions can only hasten the unwanted process.

How to deal with a divorce when you don’t want it? First, keep yourself under control. A one-night stand or a spree can really be effective in changing your partner’s mind. But not in the way you’d like it to be. Cry it through, drink it through, talk it through with your BFF. But then, pull yourself up.

Find Out the True Reason

Divorce never comes out of nowhere. They may be not that obvious to you, but there are always signs of the coming up storm. Your job is to see them.

Don’t accept the cheesy “the love is gone”. Ask your partner what the real reason for their decision is. You may not like the answer. But knowing what really drives your spouse can help you fix the situation. Or at least try.

Tell Your Partner About Your Feelings

Once you regain control over your emotions, try to talk with your spouse openly and honestly. Tell them how you feel. It’s not the time to appeal to their conscience, blackmail or blame them, or try to affect their decision in any other way. This will only make them even more uncompromising.

Instead, say straight: “I don’t want a divorce”. And ask your partner if they’d like to try marriage therapy. Often, it’s not the person people don’t love anymore, but the kind of relationship they have.

Avoid Living Separately

Separation is the first step to divorce. If you want to save your marriage, don’t agree to live separately when your spouse offers you this. Unfortunately, there’s no way to stop them from moving out of your family nest. But at least, your own decision won’t facilitate a sooner divorce.

Stop Being an Open Book

It’s hard to stay a mysterious stranger for your partner after a few years of marriage. Unfortunately, it may play a dirty trick on you – from simple “got bored” to a literally staged divorce. You may not even know that everything you say or do has been carefully planned by your spouse to make you guilty of divorce.

Try to be less predictable. Think about how you could have reacted in a specific situation and do differently. Such brain-teasers may even awake the long-gone passion in your spouse.

Don’t Cave in

Avoid “I would do anything for you” attitude. First, it won’t save your marriage for long, if at all. No one likes spineless people. Second, it will make you so unhappy that you yourself will start begging for a

divorce. No relationship is worth breaking yourself and denying what you love. If your partner issues an ultimatum about either you change or else, think twice whether you really want to be in this relationship.

Nurture Yourself

If it’s still happening, how to deal with a divorce when you don’t want it? Start caring more about yourself than you do about your pain. Feeling insecure and lost is normal when you’re abandoned. But don’t make pitying yourself the sense of your life.

Left alone is a great time to bring in shape your body, mind, and lifestyle. Start serving delicious meals for yourself, exercise, dress up, visit fun events and meet people. Your life really doesn’t end with divorce. On the contrary, it may be the beginning of a new fantastic adventure!

Keep Yourself Busy

Burying emotions deep is a bad idea. So as crying months and years on end. Find yourself a fascinating activity and your heart won’t have time to hurt anymore. Is there anything you’ve always dreamt of? Now, when nothing holds you back, you can make this happen. Try new hobbies, get a second education, change a job, pursue your boldest ambitions – just don’t sit idle. Time heals, they say. It might be good to make the most of it, too.

Try to Find Benefits

It has nothing to do with being optimistic, thinking positively, or using affirmations. Just naked facts. We know it may be hard to think objectively, but try to analyze everything that happened during your marriage and after. You may suddenly realize that your affection for your partner is nothing more than a mere habit – a fear to change anything. And if you think, there may be more benefits than losses.

You didn’t like your in-laws? Great! Now, you are free from their company. You always wanted to live abroad? You can have it now. You’ve been hurt by your partner always criticizing you? Now, you won’t give them such pleasure. Building a list of pros and cons will help you look at the situation from different angles. You may even see that your partner isn’t worth your tears.

Make Peace with It

Finally, accept the situation and move on. There’s no point in suffering if it changes nothing. If your partner’s decision is final, the best what you can do is let it go. Advice: don’t contest out of spite and file divorce online. This way you’ll protect yourself from financial and bureaucratic stress.

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